Sorry, everyone

To the one or two people who kindly take the time to read this, I apologise for the fact it has become mind-numbingly tedious but only a couple of more weeks to go ... then it will be just plain old tedious again!

Last night, I met the girls for a drinky in London town. Here are the girls:

It was a very nice evening, esp as there was plenty of wedding-unrelated gossip, mostly involving a nice young man with a huge motorbike!!

I ended up getting a bit tipsy on those naughty double vodkas that these London bars serve without asking you - especially tipsy, as you all know I don't drink anymore! Har har har

Viva Barcelona!

OK - I am extremely knackered now. On Friday, Jenny and I flew out to Barcelona for a lazy weekend with Cezza. We went on Ryan Air, and you know, with a book of Soduku and my iPod, it was a relatively pleasant flight. Even Stansted was queue-free and no hassle! Maybe it pays to go during the day when most people are at work?

Anyway, we arrive in Reus safely, hop on a bus and get to Barcelona about 10pm. After dumping the bags we headed out into the warm evening for some drinking and talking 'til about 3am.

Barcelona is exactly how I remember Lisbon! I've been to Barcelona before but for some reason I was thinking Lisbon most of the time …

Anyway, Cez and Simon's flat is in the heart of the old town - all atmospheric alleyways and flower-festooned balconies.

On Saturday, we took the train to the beach and laid about in the sun and enjoyed the sea. By the time we got back to the flat, it was about 9 o'clock but it felt so much earlier. Where did the time go?

We met Simon in a bar just round the corner and headed off to a proper locals' cava bar for tapas and cava. Then we wandered about the streets, dipping into little bars, before heading back to the flat for a 'music off' which I think I won by playing Boy With The Arab Strap.

It was great to go there and just potter about rather than rush through the heat trying to get to see the sights. I don't think we saw a single one, except for a Goudi house, or two, as we walked to the Metro.

But it was perfect as I had seen most of the big ones last time I was there. And to be honest, it was so nice to hang about talking to old friends that there was nothing else I wanted to do.

The flight home was spot on too - only marred by having to wait for Ceri's baggage at the carousel as she is moving back and persuaded Jen and me to bring home two bags of stuff for her! We were fairly ungracious about bringing it as we prefer to 'carry on' and just go home as soon as the plane lands. But it was OK and we got home at about midnight - just in time for Jenny to get a cab on to Streatham.

Today I think that food and sleep deprivation is getting to me. I feel sooo tired and depleted of vitamins!

Crazy o'clock

How early was I up yesterday? Five am, I crawled out of bed to go to New Covent Garden to meet Kate to discuss bridal flowers.

I stayed on the boat as TOH didn't want me waking him up at that time of the morning (!) plus it was easier to get to the tube.

Covent Garden is a very interesting place. So many beautiful blooms and floral bits and bobs. And it was actually really nice being up so early when the morning is still fresh and the air relatively clean.

A feast

TOH and I had a nice treat last night - we tasted the food for the wedding reception at the Trafalgar. They managed to get the right menu this time so we ended up with three, three-course meals which pleased him enormously!

He was, however, defeated by the portions and had to take some home in doggy bags for the next day's lunch.

Stags and Elton John

I don't want to repeat what I heard about TOH's stag do other than it all sounded properly drunken, if not rather homo-erotic as the stripper managed to get him out of his clothes (which by that point seemed to consist of a red-and-yellow jester's outfit complete with bells) in a pub basement.

While he was recovering from his last night of freedom, I got up early and headed off to the Tower Of London in the searing sun and heatwave to do some Greenpeace campaigning.

It was so hot that Dan and Isabelle and I just stood by the river holding out leaflets and chatting and not really minding if people took the bumpf or not.

After a couple of hours, we headed off for lunch at a really very nice vegetarian cafe attached to Bethnal Green Buddhist Centre.

And then on to Canary Wharf for something quite extraordinary (TOH managed to pull himself together and come and meet us!). For more information about how we managed to put the wind up Land Rover click here.

In the evening, we drove over to Sunny Watford for the Elton John benefit gig in aid of the club's future.

It was pretty good stuff, if you like Elton John. Personally, I can take or leave his music but I did have a bit of a sing-a-long to I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues.

For more click here

Back home

Friday night I spent a much-yearned for evening pottering about on my boat. I did some gardening, some rowing round the docks under cover of darkness and some bonding with the Ganges.

My sudden 'freedom' to stay on my beloved vessel was brought about by TOH wanting the flat empty for when he and his pals got back from his London stag do!

See, getting married does have some benefits other than tax relief.

Suits you

I met my dad after work last night to help him choose a new suit for the wedding. It was only when he said how great he would look escorting me down the aisle that it really became real. My dad IS actually going to walk me down the aisle. How crazy is that?

I’ve spent so much time planning this and that, that I forgot all about my poor old dad.

He will look very dapper though, and with my new 4-inch heels, he will probably be half carrying me down the aisle!

Ahh-CHOOOOOOO

Damn hayfever … it really gets up my nose! Cough, cough, splutter!

Sunday, lovely Sunday

A lazy start to the morning after with a good old full English breakfast – vegetarian, of course.
Then papers on the Cathedral Green and a quick trip back to Bishop’s Palace to see the well of Wells.

On the way home we stopped off at Chris’s parents’ country home where most of the wedding party had gathered for more drinkies and some delicious food. TOH kept Gail’s dad happy by taking him for a spin round the country lanes while everyone else said their goodbyes.

We headed off to Cheddar Gorge for a look at the caves (and bats!) and to get some cheese before heading back to London town.

A lovely weekend. And just five weeks before we do it all again ….

To the Bride and Groom

A big thank you to the new Mr and Mrs Bird for such a wonderful day.

We were typically late getting to the church in the morning as everyone was in the pub eating sandwiches and having a pre-match drink.

But we got there in the end, and us Jonny Latecomers ended up sitting round the back of the church facing the congregation. It turned out those were the prime seats as we had a fantastic view of the bride and groom while they were making their vows and signing the register.

I had to work very hard not to keep rolling my eyes and hissing as the priest performed mass and all the trimmings. I don’t know why churches bother me so much – it’s not as if it has anything to do with me what other people believe but religion makes me so mad! I want to just shout out that it’s all bollocks and that these people are wasting their time!

But luckily for all attendees, I managed to keep hold of my urges and enjoy the sight of two good friends promising their lives to each other in a fairly emotional ceremony.

The bride looked fantastic – beautiful dress and a sparkling headdress glittering against her black hair. The groom scrubbed up pretty well too!

The bridesmaids Steve, Rob, Sara and Chris’s little cousin also looked fab.

From the church we walked through town to the Bishop’s Palace and drank champagne on the lawn. It was such a beautiful place – rolling lawns, flowerbeds bursting with colour and of course, the ancient palace itself.

Steve enjoyed himself playing hide-and-seek with his fellow bridesmaid (a little girl, not Dr Rob) while all the ladies kept sinking into the lawn with their spikey heels.

The wedding breakfast was delicious, the speeches excellent and the cake rich.

The happy couple have put the pressure on us for the first dance – they performed a magnificent salsa which had the crowd whooping and cheering at their fancy footwork, romantice backbend kisses and snake-hipped moves.

TOH took me outside for a little walk in the dusk-lit gardens where we did a bit of bat spotting.
I think we saw a long-eared brown bat (according to the palace’s noticeboard) flitting about the lawns like a huge moth.

The rest of the night saw Jo and I rushing round all the guests taking their photos with the instant camera and getting them to fill in the guest book. It was a bit hectic but I think we got everyone.

And finally, at 11pm, the party wound down. An early departure but thems the rules, so most people headed back into town to find a pub/bar to continue the celebrations.

We were treated to the rare sight of a bride who’d lost her groom wandering the deserted streets of a provincial town in her wedding dress, in a light English drizzle. Ahh – she looked so sweet demanding more alcohol!

Most people ended up in a hotel bar, where the staff put up some resistance to serving non-guests but were eventually won over.

Congratulations to Gail and Chris.

The opposite of jitters

A very exciting day on two counts: firstly I left work early to head down to Wells for Chris and Gail’s wedding, secondly, I got to drive TOH’s car for the very first time.

What fun it was powering down the motorway (within the speed limit, obviously, cough) in that beautiful, silver, sleek, king of cars. And how satisfying to finally drive something which people don’t cut up or drive up your back end.

We arrived in Wells after about four hours – we took a fairly country route, involving a dip into Bath – and found our guest house. After dumping our bags, we went straight down the pub to meet everyone for some pre-wedding drinks.

I must say the bride and groom were very composed and relaxed. I hope I feel that calm the night before!

The musician in the bar was hilarious. In between belting out cheesy pop songs, he kept muttering under his breath that no-one was listening. This next song, he would say, is Babylon by David Gray, not that you lot give a toss, before bashing it out on his electric piano. ‘Now the applause has died down ... on with the show ...'

Ha ha, poor sod.

Consumed by marital concerns

1. Venue bollocksed up the food tasting. They had a mass tasting with about 10 other couples, all meat dishes and had no idea who we were or what our menu was.

2. Tried dress on again. It hasn't been altered yet but it somehow looked better than last time so panic over. Although health and fitness regime is finally kicking in and I am losing weight almost without trying, which is good, but not if I keep shrinking.

3. So much needs sorting out that I dare go beyond three.

We went to see Sin City the other day - it's quite a brilliant film visually and has a very gripping storyline. My only gripe is that it contrives to make women victims so that the heroes can come and rescue them.

On Monday, I had the first of three personal training sessions that I won in a competition at work. It was actually quite good fun in that the girl worked out a circuit around the canal near the factory which involved leaping on and off benches and skipping and the like and NO running, which is always a good thing. I did the circuit again today suggesting that this is something that I might be able to keep up! But not too much - I can't lose any more weight!

Calm after the storm

The rest of the weekend was spent recovering from a long drawn out hangover. TOH made me go and see The Jacket at the cinema last Sunday night. It was very good, if not a teeny bit cheesy.

Monday, we went into John Lewis to finish off that bloody wedding gift list. It was only slightly stressful. Then we went to see Millions, a very good film. In fact, in parts it is a brilliant film. Especially the musings of the saints which the young hero can see and talk to. The only problem with it was that it was fairly obvious they didn't really know how to end it and so it went on too long and finished on a bit of a bum note.

The most exciting thing we did this week, however, was join a high-profile Greenpeace mission where some people got arrested!

Actually, we arrived long after they got arrested but we still did our bit.

As part on the ongoing climate campaign, some of GP London went and chained themselves to Land Rovers at a dealership in Kensington while others stood outside waving banners and generally drawing attention to the action.

We arrived in the afternoon, long after the first wave of folks had been carted off for questioning, to hand out information and wave banners.

I was absolutely stunned at the amount of people driving SUVs around Kensington - no wonder they are called the Chelsea Tractor. I reckon one in ten vehicles were 4x4s. Most of the drivers were absofuckinglutely livid when I waved my banner at them.

I tried to give one man a leaflet, for his information, and he spluttered "I'm a farmer! I don't need this crap!" Oh yeah, of course he was a fucking farmer. With such an authentic Eton accent and hands which looked as if they'd never been near a lawnmower, let alone a field of crops or livestock. And besides, there is no problem with farmers - it's idiots who drive these things in towns and bits of the country which are Tarmaced who need a wake-up call.

All in all, a very good day.

Hen part two

When we were all ready, we left the spa to get a 'taxi' - well it was the biggest minicab I ever did see in that it was a white chavmobile, I mean stretched limo!

Inside was all leather seats, champagne flutes and Asti Spumanti! How fun! Manufactured pop on the stero and sickly-sweet bubbly as we drove through London Town past all the sights - Hyde Park, the anti-war one-man protest in Parliament Square, the Embankment, Covent Garden and on to Soho.

We all piled out at La Floridita - a Cuban restaurant in Wardour Street. It was lovely. It was so fantastic. We had our own private dining room at the back of the restaurant and a dedicated waiter just for us!

Some more people joined us at this point for the dinner and dancing - Alex, Kate, Bellen, Penny and Nikki.

We had a tasty feast (no Moros y Cristianos however!) and a good selection of drinks.

After the food was finished, the girls presented me with a very special book, which they had made themselves. It had a fuschia pink lacquered cover (only slightly chewed by Jenny's puppy) and black pages filled with messages and embarrassing photos they had dug up from the past. My cousin had some very shocking items to contribute from when we had our teenage bubble perms!

I also had to answer a 'Mr & Mrs'-style quiz written by TOH on the topic of him. For every question I got wrong, I had to do a forfeit in the club downstairs.

After coffees, we did indeed head downstairs for dancing and naughtiness. And here I have to end the tale. What goes on tour, stays on tour, as they say.

Suffice to say, we all got home ok. Those that came back to mine earned an extra badge of honour by joining me in waking the neighbours up at 3am with loud music and forcing the fella to come and knock on our door in his dressing gown. He was NOT amused at all.

All in all, it was probably the best weekend since TOH proposed in the first place. We had so much fun. I can't believe how much trouble everyone went to as well - Jenny even consulted my chiropractor before booking the rollerblades to check it would be OK for my back!

I don't feel as if I could thank the girls enough. I really don't have the words because it is much more than thank you.

The whole weekend was so amazing and memorable - if I've still got me marbles by the time the grandchildren are old enough to hear about it, it'll definitely be something to tell them!

Finally recovered!

What a fantastic weekend! I wanna do it all over again!

Friday night, Jen, Jo, Tidy, V HBB, V Samps, Sara, and Kelly came over to my place for Thai takeaway and booze. It was a wonderfully warm evening and we stayed up late-ish gassing and getting in the mood for the big day!

Saturday we woke up and had breakfast. I was getting a bit tetchy because people were hiding and giggling in my bedroom and I didn't know what was going on! I am such a control freak! But also I was afraid that I would hold everyone up by not getting ready on time (a bit like every time me and TOH go out!).

But I did get ready and we set off just a few minutes late. And so the magical mystery day began for real.

I had no idea where we were going or why everyone had such big bags with them. We eventually got off the tube and headed into Hyde Park where they girls promptly festooned me with fairy wings, a wand and a pink cowboy hat with built-in tiara, (which I love and will wear at any opportunity from now on!).

So I wasn't looking like a complete pratt on my own, they all pulled out a pair of baby fairy wings and put them on - during the course of the day they slowly cut off the supply of blood to their arms as I think they were designed for little people!

The first surprise was boating on the Serpentine. We had two rowing boats but the wind was so strong we kept getting blown into the bank. At one point the other boat to mine was so stuck, a man came over shouting that he couldn't bear to watch anymore and pushed them off.

We had races (my boat won, naturally) and only got a bit splashed. Then we wandered off into the park for a picnic.

After filling our guts with yummy snackrels, Jenny disappeared leaving us to wander back down to the boat hut to meet her there. But a big surprise - she turned up with a fit young man who was to give us a rollerblading lesson!

And the reason why everyone had so much luggage with them was that they had hidden my blades in their bags for the lesson! And Jo had squeezed hers into her suitcase too.

The lesson was fantastic. We were all spiralling around a stretch of road, dressed as pink fairys and attracting quite a crowd. It was so much fun.

Miraculously no one was hurt, despite there being some spectacular tumbles.

After, we grabbed all our baggage and headed off into the park. I had no idea where we were going until we arrived outside Holmes Place in Mayfair to use the pool, jacuzzi and steam rooms!

What luxury. What a wonderful relaxing time we had. What an expression the lone man in the spa pool had on his face when eight bikined lovelies clambered in with him!

It was the perfect place to end the activities as we had plenty of showers and mirrors for everyone to get ready to go for drinking and dancing.

To be continued ...