Wyebird disaster fund - please give generously

How long does it take to organise plastic surgery? And how much does it cost?

I have seen some wedding photos. How can a bride look so minging on her wedding day? How can I possibly have no chin while simultaeously have about five chins?

And that nose - fuck me Concorde looks like a little American button nose compared to that. I knew I should have Atkins-ed for months before hand. Fat, ugly hideous caricature of a person. Luckily TOH is blinded by love to see what a harriden he has taken on. He looked so handsome in his suit, and so gorgeous in all photos (at all times).

I am not a happy bunny. Still my 'official album' will be pretty cheap to produce. There will only be about three photos in it! Unless, miracle of miracles, Nikki Photographer managed to get her camera to lie?

Don't believe the fairy tale that all brides feel like a princess. I never did and now the photos have proved I wasn't just being nervous. I was going to webify them for all to see but I don't think I will bother now.

Instead, please enjoy these photos of seals.

We went on a seal trip from Dunvegan on the Isle of Skye. They were quite literally lying all over the place!

Other honeymoon highlights include a 20-mile bike ride along the Caledonian canal when we spotted a Golden Eagle circling over head, clambering down some rocks to view a 3.5m basking shark circling a little bay, watching the REAL Hogwarts Express chugging across that oh-so-famous viaduct, watching eider ducklings learning to dive for crabs and playing with their catch, eating some very good food, scenic walks, taking the cable car up the mountain opposite Ben Nevis and dipping our toes in some tropical-temperatured seas on soft, soft sand.

Back to reality

It was a real struggle into work today. Back to the world of Brazilian men being shot dead for jogging in Brixton, where families learn their loved ones have been blasted to bits on a diving holiday, and where many more depressing horror stories flood through my head totally against my wishes.

Still that's the way the old journalism game goes. And despite wanting to prolong the honeymoon (not that hard actually, as we are spending the weekend in Rome courtesy of Hewlett Packard, who have just sacked 14,000 staff in the US) I do still enjoy my webmonkey's job.

But let's get back into honeymoon mode with our trip to SCOTLAND

We took the sleeper train up to Fort William the evening after the wedding. It was such fun - like a teenager's sleepover in our little cabin with bunk beds. I was particularly child like as I got stuck into Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince. How fun to read about their adventures on the Hogwarts Express on a train!

Sleep was quite elusive as we rocked through the night (the train rocking, not us!) but when we finally did 'awaken' we were greeted with the most amazing views of the highlands.

I'm not sure I have ever seen such beautiful scenery in the UK. I know I've been to Scotland before but never have my eyes feasted on such marvellous sights - lochs, mountains, lush greenery and romantic swirling mists.

When we arrived in Fort William, I was pleasantly surprised to find the REAL Hogwarts Express standing in the station waiting to take tourists to Mallaig. The steam engine wasn't the one used in the films but the carriages were.

The car hire guy, who had a touch of the Shane McGowans about him with his rotten teeth and battered face, was waiting for us to hand over the keys to a nice shiney Ford Fiesta and we were on our way.

We found our hotel and almost immediately went back out into the drizzle and drove to Glen Coe. Luckily, we packed walking kit at the last minute and were quite well prepared for a hike to Signal Rock.



We crossed the gushing river Coe, trekked through pine forest and saw a few interesting birds.

In what some would say was brilliant timing, we got back in the car just as it started to rain, drove to Loch Etive and arrived as the rain stopped. Fantastic scenery. Lots of roe deer (not sure if they were particularly wild though) and a nest of house martins huddled up waiting for their food delivery from mum and dad.



On the way back to our hotel, there was a rainbow covering a hill in the distance. It was quite something, as it just covered the hill and nothing else.

In the evening we appreciated the magnificent view of Loch Linnhe from our hotel before falling into bed.

Mister and Missus

Well, it's been a long time since I posted on here! In the past 18 days, I have got married and been on a wonderful honeymoon to Scotland.

Turning the clock back, the days leading up to the wedding were extremely hectic - there was much running around and at least one 17-hour day getting stuff organised.

The actual 'big day' started off very relaxed - breakfast in the hotel, hair and make-up done by a stylist, wedding dress slipped on, shoes on feet. Then I realised it was five to 12 and I was supposed to be at the wedding venue and the cab hadn't arrived.

I turned from serene bride to screeching harpie, shouting orders and generally losing my composure. A hastily-ordered cab and the make-up girl's car came to the rescue and I was only half-hour late for the ceremony. TOH is used to me being late for most things, so he was still pretty relaxed, well as relaxed as a man about to say his vows can be.

(It later turned out that the cab he took to the venue may well have been the one which would have picked me up - if he hadn't opened the door into the path of another vehicle and almost caused it to be ripped off the car!)

As I walked down the aisle, I remember squeezing my dad's hand so hard, I almost pulled it off his arm. All I could see was my lovely groom stood on a platform watching me. I had a bit of tunnel vision and cannot remember anything else except his smiling face.

The rest of the ceremony rushed by - the vows, the rings, the singing of Jerusalem. I felt lucky though that my nerves manifested as giggles rather than floods of uncontrollable tears, which I had feared. The musicians did us proud after causing a bit of a fuss about playing the tunes we wanted. They managed to play There She Goes by The La's (me coming down the aisle) and The Mamas and Papas California Dreamin' (as we left) brilliantly on their string quartet.

And so, as newly-weds, we went out on to the lawn for pink bubbly and the start of a gruelling photo session. The guests all looked lovely, we were bedecked with flower petals and bubbles instead of confetti and joy of all joys, the weather was perfect. Sunny, not too hot and a light cooling breeze. I always knew the sun would be shining - I have friends in extremely high places to sort that sort of thing out for me!

From the garden, we walked down to Putney Pier and boarded The Edwardian to take us on a Thames cruise down to Greenwich. As we passed the pub next door we were cheered and clapped by hundreds of Celtic supporters, and treated to their terrace chants. It was a fantastic feeling to be celebrated so brilliantly by a bunch of complete strangers!

The river trip was super - all the guests were really enjoying themselves and taking in the sights. I think we managed to talk to a few people in between having our pictures taken!

Once in Greenwich we disembarked and headed to The Trafalgar Tavern for the reception. TOH and I 'hid' in a side room while Sara serenaded the guests on the piano while they found their seats. Then Steve asked all to rise for 'Mr and Mrs TOH' and there were cheers and claps!

For the first time ever, TOH couldn't eat his dinner. He was very nervous about giving his speech but he needn't have worried as he was like an old pro. My dad's speech, and that of the best man, were also very good - the party was raving about all three performances for the rest of the evening. I might be biased, but TOH's really was the best groom's speech I've ever heard!

And from then on the day continued in a blur - we did our first dance brilliantly except for the fact the heel of my shoe went through the hem of my dress and rather impeded my movement!

I think we managed to talk to most people (except, unfortunately for them, the immediate family who I felt comfortable with ignoring a bit in favour of long lost friends), especially those that came for the evening, and have a few drinks.

I even remembered to thrown my bouquet, which caused some kerfuffle among the single girls. It was eventually won by Michelle from TOH's office but she had to work hard for it!

By the time our cab came at 1am, I was ready to slip off with my husband and head home where I found a fragrant bedroom, bed scattered with rose petals.

The whole day was like a dream. I hardly felt like I was even there most of the time. Even now, it is hard to truly feel like we had anything to do with it. And it is also weird being married - I don't feel any different to I did before. Maybe because I have been so in love with TOH for such a long time that we have been 'married' for ages already so there is nothing to feel different about?

I am sure given time I will get used to saying 'my husband' without sounding like I am playing at being a grown up!

London

My city, the place I call home, has been attacked. People have lost their lives. Four bombs - three on tubes and one on a bus - within the space of an hour changed the city from a jubilant, hopeful place celebrating winning the Olympic bid, to a numbed, temporarily, place of quiet bereavement.

There is no need for me to condemn these incidents, my words are inadequate. I am weeping inside with anger and a sense of loss as the fearful actions we have been told were on their way finally arrived.

I first heard about the explosions on the radio just as I left the house at about 9.20am. I caught a DLR to Tower - the driver said the underground was closed due to a power surge, which I eagerly believed, tutting, with a 'typical' smirk. When we arrived at the terminal station it was being closed 'due to overcrowding'. These are the things they say to prevent panic - I did believe them and felt perfectly safe.

But after I crossed Tower Bridge to catch a bus to work, TOH called me to say there were other explosions and also one on a bus and the realisation that this was serious dawned. With great impatience I got to work and started to scour the PA reports for information which I stuck on the website, along with latest travel info and headlines.

All day, I watched events unfold on Sky and the wires to the point where it became so surreal it was hard to relate the news to the city outside my window.

So this is what it feels like. I can hardly remember the days of the IRA bombs but they never seemed so scary as this new form of terrorism which acts outside the pattern of human behaviour. How can we stop someone who is prepared to kill so indiscriminately, and to give their own life in the name of a ficticious man sat on a cloud who makes the rules?

It's been over a week since I last posted. I meant to catch up but it all seems fairly trivial now.
We have been busy watching bats, picking up wedding dresses, having emergency back treatment, stressing, meeting old friends, eating Thai and Indian curries, getting excited about the Olympics and generally being sceptical of the Live 8 bands who were being extreme prima donnas backstage where the audience couldn't see them.

On reflection I am quite annoyed that I've had no time to comment on such a history-making week!