Homer: "I'm not handicapped. I'm just lazy."

I went to the factory gym this lunchtime for the first time in about six months.

This crazy behaviour was prompted by the fact I no longer fit into my Marge Simpson fancy-dress costume!

As if being a tubster wasn’t stressful enough, I now have the problem of what to wear to Jenny’s "film and TV characters" theme party.

So I hit the treadmill for half an hour (walking) and did some sit-ups.

To alleviate the boredom, I watched a crappy game show on Channel 5. If the adverts were anything to go by, the only other people watching it must have been clumsy spendthrifts – there were only ads for no-win no-fee accident claims firms and debt services.

I hate the gym. It really is dull as.

Maybe I should modify the Marge costume and go as her fat sisters Selma and Patty.