Apple catchers

Oh it's all very well for Trinny and Suse to loftily say in their money-spinning books just to go out and get some decent underwear and it will give you a figure like Marilyn Monroe but they obviously haven't had to suffer the idignity of trying to explain to the cheap labour employed by Oxford St department stores that you need HUGE knicker to hold in the cake gut.

Selfridges, even the temple of shopping had only very bored non-English-as-first-language people running its lingerie dept who couldn't help me.

I ended up in Debenhams buying a home-brand pair which I am absolutely certain are not what T&S had in mind. All this so I don't look pregnant on the wedding day.